Spiritual Self Awareness

My husbands family has been going through a very rough time recently.   For their privacy I won't go into details but it has been a challenging time to say the least.   Life is not always easy...sometimes because of choices we make that result in consequences less then ideal.  Sometime because of events out of our control that the Lord allows.  Sometimes both.  For them, right now....it's both.    While I struggle to understand the big picture, I know that the Lord is moving.   My brother in law has been living with us for a few weeks.   While it has been interesting and challenging in many ways, I have already seen the Lord moving in His life, more in just a few weeks then in the 7 years I have known him.   One thing in particular got me thinking the other day.    he has discovered over the last few weeks, self awareness.  
As I sit here typing, I hear the sounds of my husband, stepson, and brother in law, enjoy the benefits of our new backyard.   With the fire pit burning with enough light to shine on a game of corn hole, and some marshmallows roasting to a perfect brown, making the perfect gooey dessert.  It makes for a pretty great evening.   Me?  sitting inside eating a marshmallow, because whether roasted or not, a marshmallow is always a good idea.   I love the sound of family enjoying each other...though this hasn't been easy, it is a blessing none the less.  

My brother in law Josh, has been going through a series of online classes while staying here.  Some useful, some not so much, however he has begun to realize a lot about himself and his family.  He is beginning to have a deeper understanding of what makes him tick.   Why he thinks and acts the way he does and what behaviors he has been ignoring or missing until this point in his life.    Self awareness is a blessing but it has to be a choice that one makes to look at the deeper, sometime painful truth.   and it got me thinking.....what about spiritual self awareness?  I consider myself a fairly self aware person.  While there is always tons of room to grow, I try very hard to pay attention and contemplate my actions and reactions.   To dig deep when I have a struggle, issue or challenge in a relationship.   Sometimes I even over analyze things I say or do to the point where I have to allow myself some grace.   And I started thinking....when was the last time I questioned my spiritual self awareness?   Where am I with the Lord?   What is He teaching me right now?   Where does He want to take me deeper?   What struggles do I have in my relationship with the Lord that might be hindering me from surrendering fully.   Things that I may be unaware of or choosing not to recognize?   Where is fear causing me to stay put when I should be moving forward?   All questions we need to as ourselves and I believe, questions the Lord wants to answer.   Not to make us feel guilty or to force obligation upon us...but to break down walls that may exist that we don't even see.   To challenge us so that we can grow in spirit and in truth.   With the Lord all things are possible but we must first recognize our own human-ness.   We also need to remember that the enemy knows our weaknesses, and will use them to create strongholds, cause doubt and fear, and to ultimately make us less useful for the spreading of truth and the name of Jesus.   How can we combat the schemes of the enemy if we do not first recognize the buttons he may press.   just like Josh needs to know his struggles so that he can avoid falling into the same patterns and behaviors, we also need to be aware.  
"Seek Me and you will find Me, if you seek me with all your heart"  This is a promise, but not a wishy washy one.   One that requires a full commitment on our part to be all in.   Our spiritual health and growth is not something the Lord will force upon us, we must choose to seek Him.     Maybe there is a wall you feel like you keep hitting.  Something in your life that feels stuck or far more difficult then it should.   Something you have been praying for and have still not seen any change.   Perhaps we need to stop, and ask the Lord if there is an area in our spiritual life, we are not aware of, that could be the cause of the blockage.   I have a sweet friend at church who has digestion issues.  For years she struggled, but it wasn't until recently she finally went to the doctor.   After being told she had a number of food allergies, some severe some less severe, she now feels she has the knowledge and awareness of her body, to help and heal years of pain and discomfort.   She can finally begin to make decisions that will bring health and nourishment to her body without the pain and difficulty caused by unknown factors.   But it takes the step of choosing to become aware.   We have the option to ask, and a Father who will answer.  In His time, and with His grace, we can become more and more like Him.