Choosing Humility

Recently I have been going through a period of questioning.     I'm sure we all go through these times....times where you wonder why you are where you are, what you would love to see happen in your life that just doesn't seem realistic anymore.   Dreams that perhaps seem impossible or distant...forgotten even.    The questions of why.     I was reading in Matthew 13 and came across this passage.      I have read it dozens of times, but something was different this time....

3 Then he told them many things in parables, saying: “A farmer went out to sow his seed. 4 As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. 5 Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. 6 But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. 7 Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. 8 Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. 9 Whoever has ears, let them hear.”

Jesus goes on to explain the meaning of his parable.

18 “Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: 19 When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in their heart. This is the seed sown along the path.20 The seed falling on rocky ground refers to someone who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. 21 But since they have no root, they last only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.22 The seed falling among the thorns refers to someone who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, making it unfruitful. 23 But the seed falling on good soil refers to someone who hears the word and understands it. This is the one who produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.”

As I was reading this I heard the Lord say to me ever so gently "Read this again and be honest"  Um....I know what that means.   Whenever the Lord has me read a passage a second time, it pretty much means that the Lord has something He wants to tell me.   So I read it again.   I realized that in my pride I had read through this passage assuming I was good soil.   I mean after all I love the Lord, I try to live a life of purpose and be a fruitful follower.   And while I know I'm not perfect, how could I be bad soil??   Then I noticed the description of the seed falling on the thorns....the worries of life?   deceitfulness of wealth?    How can it be that those struggles had totally passed under my radar.   Now I am going to be totally honest and vulnerable here for a minute....part of my struggle as a singer/songwriter is that, as you may also experience, the desire to be known.   the desire to be successful.   Success in the worlds eyes as a musician means to be famous.   To be wealthy.   To have hit songs, awards, and esteem.    And while I can tell myself I don't really care about those things, I would be lying if I had not thought a time or two hundred about all of the things I have yet to accomplish.   I mean, "why give such gifts and then not use them?", I would think.    I would be fooling myself if I did not admit my true motivation from time to time with decisions I have made or opportunities I have taken.     And while it certainly doesn't mean fame and fortune are bad things, and the Lord can and does use those platforms for His glory....I realized in that moment that for me, it had become less about seeking His purpose and plan and more about the platform.       Like somehow I was a failure as a musician if I did not achieve a certain level of success.     

That Sunday morning, I was on the worship team at my church.   We were in the middle of worship when I heard the Lord say:   

"Jesus chose Humility"    

I stood there....tears in my eyes, my heart instantly aware of just how weighty and yet simultaneously gentle this truth was.    I realized in that moment that Jesus, the Son of God, the mighty and powerful Messiah, could have refused to come to earth without a grand birth.   He could have demanded royal fanfare with musicians and a parade, surrounded by gifts and riches.  He could have required a castle with servants, and guards, to meet His every whim and protect Him from those seeking His harm.   He could have seen that everyone come to Him to be healed and travel across the land with their sick and dying.    He could have worn a golden crown rather then a crown of thorns....All of these things less then what He deserved, all of these things less then the glory He left in heaven.     But He instead chose humility.   He chose to be born in a stable, surrounded by hay, and animals.   He chose to live a life of a quiet carpenter, and He chose to walk the dirt roads with His disciples, finding those in need.   Spending countless hours serving and praying and healing.    Putting Himself below those He came for to the point of death.   He chose this because He knew...He understood that it would mean the ultimate glory for His Father in heaven.    He knew that God's ultimate plan of redemption could not happen any other way.    He knew, that the sacrificial life would lead to the salvation of every son and daughter of God.    And only through His humble life and painful death could we be with the Father.    

Who am I.....Who am I to think that what I "deserve" is more important then the Lord's purpose and plan with my life?   Where am I choosing my way instead of the Lord's way because maybe it just isn't glamorous enough for me?    Are the distractions and worries of this life turning into thorns?  Am I missing what the Father is doing?    This season, as I think on the birth of my Savior...I want to choose humility.     To be the good soil.    For His glory and honor and magnitude, get out of the way and let Him use me however He needs to use me.   To be more like Jesus.  Perhaps a crop is waiting to be sown, if I will choose to stop determining the ways in which the Lord can use me, and instead let Him use me right where I am.       

For someone else, from Somewhere else

I just stumbled upon this quote while looking through my Facebook feed.
"The Word of God is alive and active, penetrating and healing like a surgeons knife. If you aren't sure about the Bible's trustworthiness-Or if you have friends who aren't sure-just give yourselves to reading it.  Even if you don't believe a knife is sharp, if it is, it can still cut you"---Tim Keller.
This speaks perfectly to my thoughts as I was preparing to type this blog, so I thought I would share it.

So many times the Lord uses experiences and challenges we are facing to bring new revelation from scripture.   Things we've read a dozen times suddenly come alive when we are walking through difficult situations.   That is the power of the Holy Spirit in the living Word of God.    I experienced this recently while praying for my family.   They has been walking through some tough times...if you have been following these blogs I have spoken some about this.   One thing I sometimes struggle with when praying for others, if they are not themselves walking with the Lord, is the thought, what are those prayers doing on a spiritual level.   I do believe the Lord moves on behalf of others when we pray but it can be hard sometimes to see the fruit.    I felt the Lord recently lead me to start reading in the New Testament.   I had been lingering in the Psalms for a while so decided to start at the beginning, and turned to Matthew.    As I was reading Matthew I came to the passage below.   A passage I have read a dozen times but this time I stopped, stopped and questioned.  Stopped and re-read.   Stopped and listened.

Matthew 8:5-13

5 When Jesus had entered Capernaum, a centurion came to him, asking for help.6 “Lord,” he said, “my servant lies at home paralyzed, suffering terribly.”

7 Jesus said to him, “Shall I come and heal him?”

8 The centurion replied, “Lord, I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. But just say the word, and my servant will be healed. 9 For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, ‘Go,’ and he goes; and that one, ‘Come,’ and he comes. I say to my servant, ‘Do this,’ and he does it.”

10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, “Truly I tell you, I have not found anyone in Israel with such great faith. 11 I say to you that many will come from the east and the west, and will take their places at the feast with Abraham, Isaac and Jacob in the kingdom of heaven. 12 But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

13 Then Jesus said to the centurion, “Go! Let it be done just as you believed it would.” And his servant was healed at that moment.

 At first when reading this passage I did not understand why Jesus said that He had not found anyone with such faith in Israel.  What about this man was different?   This question in my heart prompted me to read it again with more intention.    As I read it for a second time the Holy Spirit spoke to me in a big way.   the first thing I noted was his tremendous humility.    Pointing out the fact that he had men under him, great authority and power and yet did not feel worthy to have the Lord enter his home.   Showing not only humility but great understanding of who Jesus was/is as the highest authority and power.  The second thing I noticed was that he came for someone else.   Not for himself or what the Lord could do for him....and not even a family member or friend but a servant.   A servant that anyone else might have simply left to die, he went to Jesus, and humbled himself for this man.   The third thing that stood out to me, was that this centurion, who had an offer from Jesus to come to his house "Shall I come and heal him?", had the faith to believe that Jesus could heal his servant from right where He stood.   That He was not only all powerful, but omnipresent.    In most other instances in Matthew where Jesus healed someone, He did so by touching them.    Or by them touching Him.   Yet this centurion, without having seen Jesus do a miracle from afar, had the faith to believe He could, and that He would.   And Jesus did, the servant was healed by this centurions faith...a faith for someone else, from somewhere else.  Jesus honored his faith, and made a point to state for those around them what an amazing faith it was.    I was so encouraged as I read this passage.   It's easy to become use to the ideas in the stories we have read so many times.    The truth of God's word can become almost taken for granted, for those of us who have thousands of years of post resurrection heritage of faith to stand on.   Years of Sunday school lessons and Bible studies and the like.... But in a way I felt like I was there with the centurion, as I read it the second, third, and fourth time.   Like I could see him kneeling down before Jesus with tears in his eyes.    Nervous and unprepared for the wonder and majesty of his king.    With bravery and trembling seeking hope for another man.   Not even able to look Him in the eyes but knowing in his heart that this man, this teacher, was so much more then a man.   A saving, healing, Son of God, who was willing and able to do a miracle right then and there for a person who maybe, was not even aware that any of it was happening....for a person who may not even have believed himself.       If his faith was enough to see the Lord move on behalf of someone else, then nothing should stop me from praying for those around me regardless of the circumstances.    Faith can move mountains.   Sometime those mountains are moved for someone else, from somewhere else.