Wait a minute, What?

Doubt="A feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction".

An event took place today that caused me a great deal of doubt.   The event itself, rather small.    Not a big deal and not even something that would phase most people.   But to me, for some reason today, it felt huge.     It was something I had been praying about, and even though it wasn't the answer I was looking for, it was an answer.   And while I immediately recognized that, I still felt a rush of doubt.    A wave of almost overwhelming uncertainty.     I spent the next few hours in a battle between wanting to believe it was the Lord's guiding hand and feeling a bit like a door closing that I wasn't ready to see shut.    Driving home I prayed.   And Prayed.   I found myself questioning the Lord, questioning His purpose and plan.    I began to feel myself falling into the rabbit hole of questioning more then was really appropriate for the actual event that took place....does that ever happen to you?  Something small turns into something big because of a tiny seed of doubt?  
 Then I started thinking about that word....Doubt.     What does it mean exactly.    And how I can see the enemy using it so well to try and undo the truth and conviction I hold so close.     It occurred to me that one of the enemies best tools is to cause us to doubt that which the Lord calls us to, or moves us from.    What better way to stop us from moving forward, or walk in power and authority then to get us to question that very power and authority in our lives, and stop us in our tracks.   What better way to silence the effects of a miracle or dull the joy of a triumph, then to get us thinking there was never anything to celebrate.    Obedience comes with adversity.   That adversity is the first place where doubt creeps in.  "Why would I be experiencing this hardship if I am following the Lord's calling?"   "Shouldn't this be easy if it's right?"    "Maybe I should have stayed where it was comfortable".    I have found in my life, the biggest doubts have hit in the places where it hurt the most.  The places that reach the deepest parts of me and who I am.    As a musician, songwriter, singer....doubt has plagued me all my life.    "Maybe I should have sang that other song?" Or, "Maybe they didn't like my melody?" or even "Maybe I should not have moved to Nashville?"   Doubts that distract and pull my focus from that which I know to be true.   God placed a calling on my life and it is not my job to determine what that calling is or how it will be used.    It is a calling, and it will be used.
Those doubts get in the way....they tell me I am not good enough, talented enough, working hard enough.    that maybe I misread what the Lord has called me to do.   I can't help but think that the enemy has it out for musicians.   he was after all the Lead worship leader before his fall.  He knows how we think.   He knows that we tend to walk with fear of rejection and doubt about the gifting's we possess.   He knows how easy it is to get us to compare ourselves to one another success or level of talent.   All along trying to keep us from the truth that can come when those gifting's are surrendered to the purposes of the King.  He knows it does not take much to get us thinking that we don't have what it takes, or can't compete with all the other musicians/songwriters/singers.    We cannot let the enemy stop us.    He wants to make us an ineffective weapon.   He wants to remove the blade from our sword so that we cannot fight.  i even find myself doubting the very words I write here tonight.     But I know this.   I know this truth above all else.    God's grace is sufficient.    And the Lord knows.   He knows our struggles, He knows our pain.  He knows our fears and deepest insecurities.   He is our safe place.   And to Him, we can surrender that which we can't control.    Knowing that, just as the word says in Philippians 1:6 "being confidant of this, that He who his begun a good work in you, will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." We have the promise of His faithfulness.   The promise of His mercy.   No amount of doubt changes that truth.    So when the enemy whispers words of doubt over the calling of the Lord, whatever that calling may be,  hold on to the character of God.   His faithfulness and His unchanging nature.    
Psalm 33:1-4
"Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous; it is fitting for the upright to praise Him.  Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten stringed lyre.  Sing to Him a new song; play skillfully, and shout for joy.  For the word of the Lord is right and true; He is faithful in all He does."